your epidermis is boring.

wildflower, that’s me.

i’m a wildflower, baby

you can’t really get ahold

i turn my face up to the rain

and laugh at the cold.

you can pick me if you want

but there’s no guarantee

that i’ll end up in your grasp

instead of standing free.

i’m a risky situation

but less annoying than the weeds,

i know the way the sun works

and what your body needs. 

sept21 2pm

i’m up and it’s four 

and the tv guide’s got more

to say to me than 

anyone else can stand to

minus a small cluster

of people who muster

the strength needed to power on through

4:02am

you say one thing

you swiftly do another

like it’s a trend that’s going out of style

fold in those wings

and pretend to be a boulder

it’s only going to drive you more wild

a plan is a joke

if you let it control you

a goal is a punchline

if you don’t know what to do

step lightly up those stairs

since there are two sets of feet

eggshells for one

while the other’s offbeat

1:15am

i’ve been pacing

sitting

racing

quitting

a time or two of two-facing

doing a little truth-omitting

but i just can’t help myself

i try to help myself

it’s the mess that i accept as the project i’ll never complete

a challenge that shouldn’t be solved at the cost of someone else’s feet

sitting with a cigarette isn’t going to fix a thing

but it’s better when you’ve got a soulful song to sing

7:47pm  sept13

mermaids don’t trip.

they just don’t, ok?

because they have no legs, you see…

this is called a “blessing and a curse” by some, but by that logic, you believe in both blessings and curses, and their power being strong enough to be irreversible (which would really be an entirely different discussion).

so i’ll call it an unfortunate convenience, or a handy handicap.  if you will.

but having no legs, just a fin to swim with…  means constant motion.

constant motion to stay alive…   not necessarily with the fin, and manipulation of water;  sometimes just of the mind and the treading or twisting through of every thought and its cause and effect, at all times…  constant motion, you see…

mermaids don’t trip.

so yeah

maybe i jumped in early

i clapped my hands like a pro and dove on in

stretched with a grin

ignored worthy warnings yet again

but you already had me blinded by then

i went head-first as if i had the right 

grabbed your hand and said “farewell” to the night

i can’t be blamed for intrigue-at-first-sight

when you’ve got those eyes that shine so bright

my appetite

for just one bite

was just too hard to fight

you’re right

like always, you’re fucking right

let me be right this time

you’re too smart/focused/driven/beautiful for this

it’s gotta be so much more than a kiss

to make the shit my head does

worth the shit that it causes

and the texts get stickier

and the painful pauses

with just breath

just breathing to prove i’m still able to

takes a little time but i make it

survival is my only talent

and still sometimes i fake it

7:02pm  sept13

you’re on your own again

never really lonely

but back on the mend

used to ride white-knuckled

now it’s a slow and steady pace

of careful double-stepping

and hiding my face

burrowing in the blankets

the cloud that never fails

i should take these sheets

and planks of wood

and create some masts and sails

but it’s time to face the music

time to ride the twist of the waves

in this storm of paranoid perseverance

the sea foaming with doubt

wind howling my fears across my face

and swells of interference 

sept12 12:50am

waking up is harder than it looks

when you’re running in your dreams

when you’re steady rowing as fast/hard as you can to avoid the impending gut-twisting waterfall on the horizon

when you’re not resting, just working with your eyes shut

sleep does not equal peace

unless it’s accidental

accidental peace

“game day”

this ghost town is over-run 

with shells, sheep, and drones

none better than the next

just sundress-sporting clones

of an image not worth duplicating

with entitlement worth investigating

more accessories than virtues,
but a good sturdy southern gentleman to hold on to, while you’re throwing up your daddy’s money

i should probably just lay down

lay it all down too

far away from me

far far away from me

leaving it on the shore

the sand can handle

the grime of the facts

the time to react

to the chill of the water as i swim away

i can’t put my finger on

this thing that has me aching

quaking 

to the point of breaking

open 

split

this can’t be it

this is me fucking up again

this is what i look like when i hate my own skin

did you lose any sleep?

like i do, when the table turns?

the second glances

and hallway dances

become tricky to discern

promises made under minds that have changed

hearts that have been broken and rearranged

treat yours right and i’ll do the same

just remember the trips, and remember my name

don’t you dare forget

the ways that we let

each other in a little (or far) too deep.

how we consented to it all

the rise and quick fall

of the grandiose promises we just…  couldn’t…  keep.

7:28am  sept8

busted hand, but it could be worse

the night is a sticky sort of trail to traverse

alone in the moment, but not in the long-run

bruises fade before the good times are done

cracks from a lapse in the intended game-plan

of deep breaths and “1,2,3s” and fidgeting my hands

but the night will still slink away pretty soon

and i need to get one more glimpse at the moon

“every line is about who i don’t wanna write about anymore…”

you classify me all wrong

i didn’t hold you down 

i gave you the time to build the wings you need

(notice i didn’t try to take credit for giving you wings)

i didn’t keep you here

against your will

you stayed with reasons that are… steadily crumbling

say one thing, act out another

a version of you wanted to be where you were/are

one part of you, at least, saw the struggle as worthy

the version of you with those empty eyes is not my friend

my friend uses the knowledge of “the exact thing to say” for the right cause, not to feed the sting

back and forth with accidental re-claiming of once-sentimental ideas and objects when “it’s all material” eh?

double-edged swords and other terms about tit-for-tat animosity that we really don’t want to possess in the first place…